Dr Kathy's Blog

disconnection

  • If your partner has ever said, "I love you, but I am not IN love with you," then you know how painful it is to hear this...

    Or if you've felt it... like the two of you are essentially roommates... you know how scary it can be. You worry that the passion is gone, the love is barely there, and you're scared that it won't ever come back.

    Good news... it's not as bad as it feels... and honestly, it's common.

    All of us feel this way from time to time in our relationships. It's something you CAN make better quickly. Here's how!

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  • If the problem truly is that you're just super busy, then my best advice is to schedule a time for the two of you to have sex.

    The truth is that life is hectic and it's really hard to make intimacy a priority, BUT you must. Many people, and possibly your spouse, only feel loved when they are touched or have sex. Neglecting this need is a bad idea.

    But what if the problem is really that you're just kind of "over" sex and have no desire? Here are a few things to try....

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  • If you feel that your low sex drive results from daily stress and having too much on your plate, you may be able to jump start it at home. Like the majority of women today, you’re most likely juggling a gazillion things every day, and sex is just another task on your to-do list. It’s certainly understandable if you’d rather pass, but there is a stimulating alternative that may change your mind...

    If you can squeak out 15 minutes here and there, you can revive the hot, pulsing, spontaneous sex you had early on in your relationship with very little effort. And, you may have fun doing it!

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  • "Basically, I feel like my husband and I are just roommates. How do we stop just going through the motions and get our spark back?" - Anna, CA. Hi Anna. Thanks for reaching out.... I am sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling like the spark is gone and that the two of you are roommates. Let me rea... View Post
  • "Dr. Kathy, I am really scared. I think my marriage might be over and that I am the only one willing to do anything. What can I do to make it better?" - Dominica, New York. Hi Dominica. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure you are scared and I can understand why, but hang in there... I bet there... View Post
  • "How do we prioritize each other when we're both so busy?" - Sandra, UK. Hi there, Sandra. This is a challenge for lots of us! Life is really so busy, finding time for the people who matter most is tough. Here are a few things that will help you... Stay in touch with your spouse throughout the da... View Post
  • 3 best tips for a happy marriage

    If you could only give a couple 3 pieces of advice to help them have a happy marriage, what would you say?

    This is exactly what a reporter asked me recently and honestly... it's a really tough question!

    But as I thought about it, I realized that there truly are a few things that make a critical difference. So here's how I answered her...

    1. You have to have 5x as many positive interactions as negative interactions.

    What we know from years of research on couples is that for a relationship to be happy and healthy, a couple must spend the vast majority of their time cultivating positive moments and interactions. In fact, couples who fall below the 5:1 ratio are at increased risk for divorce. So the most important thing I tell every couple I take care of is that you MUST knock yourself out to have positive conversation, interactions, tone of voice, and experiences

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  • Feel like you and your spouse are out of touch? Are you each plopped down on the couch every night, living in separate worlds, one of you on the iPad, the other one reading or watching a show? Feel like you're more roommates than spouses? If you can relate, you're not alone! As we settle into our... View Post

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