Dr Kathy's Blog


  • Telling your partner that you know he or she had an affair is an extremely scary idea. In this post, we'll go over how to prepare for the conversation and exactly what to say, so you can move on and heal. I've included a sample script for you to use to plan out what to say. View Post
  • Julie called me yesterday and explained that she recently learned that her husband, Todd, was having an affair at work with a co-worker. Julie confronted Todd about the affair, he admitted that he had been cheating, but told her he wanted to stop and to save their marriage. Julie was thrilled to ... View Post
  • To end the affair, I suggest that you and your spouse sit down and write a letter together to the other person (affair partner). The letter should mostly be written by the straying spouse (the one who had the affair) because it's critical that he/she starts to take responsibility for the choices that were made.

    I also want the straying spouse to "own" this letter and truly feel what he/she is writing. The letter should be short and clear, but not emotional in any way towards the affair partner.

    Here's a sample break-up letter that I recommend my clients send (via mail or email) to their affair partner...

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  • "I really don't know what to do, Dr. K. My wife has no interest in doing any of the things you recommend for building trust after an affair. I learned about her 2 year affair with a friend from High School last Thanksgiving. Since I found out, she's seen him at least once, talked to him a few tim... View Post
  • "Can we get over an affair? How do we start to heal?" - Soraya, Australia. Hi Soraya. That's a very big and important question... thanks for being brave enough to ask it. First things first, I want you to know that YOU CAN HEAL from this. Affairs are really common, much more than we know or think... View Post
  • "I found a second cell phone in my husband's car and when I went through it, it became clear he is having an affair. I am beyond devastated. I am sick to my stomach and I'm looking for some hope. Is there any chance that we can get over this? Does infidelity mean my marriage is over for sure?" - ... View Post
  • "My husband discovered my affair 2 weeks ago and we've been talking about it every day since. I think things are getting better, but he keeps asking harder and harder questions. He really wants to know sexual details. What questions should I answer about my affair? Should I answer anything he ask... View Post
  • "Dr. Kathy, my wife found out I cheated and now she wants to track me, my phone, and basically be able to check up on me whenever she wants. Is this a good idea?" - Joel, South Dakota Hi Joel, thanks for the question. The short answer is yes, it IS a good idea.After an affair has been discovered,... View Post