Dr Kathy's Blog

  • If the problem truly is that you're just super busy, then my best advice is to schedule a time for the two of you to have sex.

    The truth is that life is hectic and it's really hard to make intimacy a priority, BUT you must. Many people, and possibly your spouse, only feel loved when they are touched or have sex. Neglecting this need is a bad idea.

    But what if the problem is really that you're just kind of "over" sex and have no desire? Here are a few things to try....

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  • To end the affair, I suggest that you and your spouse sit down and write a letter together to the other person (affair partner). The letter should mostly be written by the straying spouse (the one who had the affair) because it's critical that he/she starts to take responsibility for the choices that were made.

    I also want the straying spouse to "own" this letter and truly feel what he/she is writing. The letter should be short and clear, but not emotional in any way towards the affair partner.

    Here's a sample break-up letter that I recommend my clients send (via mail or email) to their affair partner...

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  • Most of the time, if we keep fighting about the same thing it's because we never get the recognition or the acknowledgment we're craving from our spouse to let it go.

    Or it's because we never get down deep enough and talk about what the fight is REALLY about. On rare occasion, we fight about something that just is not fixable, and instead of fighting, we have to find a way to talk about it that feels comfortable to both of you.

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  • If you feel that your low sex drive results from daily stress and having too much on your plate, you may be able to jump start it at home. Like the majority of women today, you’re most likely juggling a gazillion things every day, and sex is just another task on your to-do list. It’s certainly understandable if you’d rather pass, but there is a stimulating alternative that may change your mind...

    If you can squeak out 15 minutes here and there, you can revive the hot, pulsing, spontaneous sex you had early on in your relationship with very little effort. And, you may have fun doing it!

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  • "Basically, I feel like my husband and I are just roommates. How do we stop just going through the motions and get our spark back?" - Anna, CA. Hi Anna. Thanks for reaching out.... I am sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling like the spark is gone and that the two of you are roommates. Let me rea... View Post
  • "I really don't know what to do, Dr. K. My wife has no interest in doing any of the things you recommend for building trust after an affair. I learned about her 2 year affair with a friend from High School last Thanksgiving. Since I found out, she's seen him at least once, talked to him a few tim... View Post
  • "Dr. Kathy, I am really scared. I think my marriage might be over and that I am the only one willing to do anything. What can I do to make it better?" - Dominica, New York. Hi Dominica. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure you are scared and I can understand why, but hang in there... I bet there... View Post
  • "Can we get over an affair? How do we start to heal?" - Soraya, Australia. Hi Soraya. That's a very big and important question... thanks for being brave enough to ask it. First things first, I want you to know that YOU CAN HEAL from this. Affairs are really common, much more than we know or think... View Post