There’s a point in many relationships where you start to wonder: Should I keep trying… or is it time to let go? It’s one of the hardest questions a person can face, especially when you’ve invested years — maybe decades — of your life, your love, and your hope into someone. You may feel torn between loyalty and exhaustion, love and pain, commitment and self-preservation. As a psychologist, I’ve walked with hundreds of couples through that uncertain middle ground — the place between “we’re trying” and “we’re done.”

If it’s been two years—or five, or even twenty-five—since you found out about the affair, and you still find yourself triggered by random moments, memories, or even your partner’s tone of voice… please hear this: you’re not crazy, weak, or holding on too long. You’re likely dealing with a real trauma response—something many people now refer to as Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). And there’s a reason your healing hasn’t just “clicked” with time alone. Let me explain.

Sometimes infidelity isn’t about secret desires or hidden identities — it’s about unresolved trauma. Sexual abuse, especially in childhood or adolescence, can shape adult sexual patterns in confusing and painful ways, even leading to “out-of-character” affairs. Understanding this connection doesn’t excuse the betrayal, but it can help you see the full picture and decide what’s best for your healing.

Struggling in your marriage can feel overwhelming. You might even be wondering if divorce is the only option. The truth is, many couples can heal emotional distance, restore intimacy, improve communication, or recover from infidelity with the right support. Before you give up, let’s explore the proven steps that can bring love and safety back into your relationship. You could divorce, but you could also try these things first!

After infidelity, it’s natural to feel desperate for every detail, even the most intimate ones. Many betrayed partners believe that knowing everything will bring closure, but sexual specifics often make healing harder. These details can fuel intrusive thoughts, intensify trauma, and keep the affair alive in your mind. Learn why protecting yourself from the explicit details may be one of the most important steps toward recovery.

We often ask the wrong question when it comes to infidelity. Instead of wondering “How could they do something so immoral?” we might get closer to the truth by asking, “What kind of pain would drive someone to do something so out of character?” One of the most common things I hear from betrayed partners is: “But they knew it was wrong!” And yes, most people...

After working with thousands of couples and observing what truly helps relationships recover, I’ve noticed something important: five key traits show up again and again in couples who successfully heal from infidelity. These traits do not require perfection, they require intention. I’ve seen them in every couple who has made it through. So if you’re hoping to heal, take a page from these couples. Do your best to practice these traits and weave them into your relationship. 

I want to help you understand what’s been happening to you — not just emotionally, but neurologically — since the betrayal. Because when you’ve been betrayed, it doesn’t just hurt your feelings. It shatters your sense of safety. And that injury is not just psychological — it’s biological. Betrayal is a huge trauma. Your brain and body register it as such… and when you understand that, so many of your symptoms start to make more sense. So let’s talk about exactly what happens neurologically when you experience betrayal.