If it’s been two years—or five, or even twenty-five—since you found out about the affair, and you still find yourself triggered by random moments, memories, or even your partner’s tone of voice… please hear this: you’re not crazy, weak, or holding on too long. You’re likely dealing with a real trauma response—something many people now refer to as Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). And there’s a reason your healing hasn’t just “clicked” with time alone. Let me explain.

If you’re trying to understand why someone had an affair—or if you had an affair yourself and want to explore what led you to that decision—these ten questions can provide important insights. The goal isn’t just to look at the surface-level circumstances but to dig deeper into the underlying emotional patterns, past experiences, and coping mechanisms that contributed to the affair.

When someone who has cheated reaches out to me and asks the heartbreaking question, "Am I a horrible, worthless person?" because of this, my answer is always a resounding no. You are absolutely, positively not a worthless or irredeemable person. Bad behavior doesn’t define who you are as a human being—your worst behavior reflects your struggles, your pain, and your humanity.