There’s a point in many relationships where you start to wonder: Should I keep trying… or is it time to let go? It’s one of the hardest questions a person can face, especially when you’ve invested years — maybe decades — of your life, your love, and your hope into someone. You may feel torn between loyalty and exhaustion, love and pain, commitment and self-preservation. As a psychologist, I’ve walked with hundreds of couples through that uncertain middle ground — the place between “we’re trying” and “we’re done.”

If it’s been two years—or five, or even twenty-five—since you found out about the affair, and you still find yourself triggered by random moments, memories, or even your partner’s tone of voice… please hear this: you’re not crazy, weak, or holding on too long. You’re likely dealing with a real trauma response—something many people now refer to as Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). And there’s a reason your healing hasn’t just “clicked” with time alone. Let me explain.

Sometimes infidelity isn’t about secret desires or hidden identities — it’s about unresolved trauma. Sexual abuse, especially in childhood or adolescence, can shape adult sexual patterns in confusing and painful ways, even leading to “out-of-character” affairs. Understanding this connection doesn’t excuse the betrayal, but it can help you see the full picture and decide what’s best for your healing.