Dr Kathy's Blog

  • Infidelity shatters the foundation of a relationship, leaving both partners in a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainty. Whether you're the betrayed partner or the one who strayed, navigating the aftermath of an affair requires courage, compassion, and a willingness to confront toxic beliefs that can hinder the healing process. Let’s explore five toxic beliefs for each of you – the betrayed partner and the one who cheated – and discuss what to do instead.

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  • In the heat of an argument with a loved one, emotions run high, and tensions can escalate quickly. It's during these moments of heightened conflict that our nervous systems can become particularly agitated, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and distressed. However, even in the midst of disagreement and discord, there are powerful tools and coping strategies we can use to calm ourselves. In this blog post, we'll delve into 50 effective ways to soothe your nervous system specifically when you're upset during an argument with a loved one. View Post
  • Trauma can make people do confusing - and seemingly irrational - things. A traumatic experience can literally rewire your brain and forcibly change your very perspective on the world, making you do things that you know aren’t rational or fair. But once that fight or flight response is activated (as it can be so, so easily for people with trauma), the need to feel safe trumps all else. Safety is, of course, subjective. Most people would agree that food, money, and shelter are necessary pieces of that puzzle, but for people with trauma, this definition is often expanded. View Post
  • Infidelity is a complex and nuanced topic, often shrouded in silence. To navigate these murky waters and unveil emotional intricacies, we conducted a survey involving 2,115 men and women who participated in affairs. Their candid responses proved illuminating, providing valuable insights into the distinct experiences within extramarital relationships. Despite the similarities between men and women who strayed, noteworthy differences surfaced.

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  • After your partner has an affair, you may be left wondering what it is that you’re missing, what you could have changed, or what might have been done to prevent the infidelity. It’s common and normal to start making comparisons, or begin looking at yourself differently. Betrayal can activate a trauma response, leaving you scrambling for answers and solutions. Here are 4 ways to build your self esteem after being cheated on or experiencing infidelity. View Post
  • Affair recovery research is complex and nuanced. As most people do not want to talk about infidelity, the research sample sizes are small and much of the questioning is brief. Social media presented a unique solution to this problem! In the Fall of 2023, two colleagues and I launched two surveys to better understand the differences between men and women when it comes to infidelity. Here are the key insights and findings related to gender differences in straying partners.

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  • Affair rage is real. It is so painful and devastating. You have every reason and every right to feel angry. But what you do with that anger is very important. Some people will say, it’s ok, just feel your feelings and feel them for as long as you want, treat your partner however you want, rage all you want, you’re entitled to your anger. Yes, you absolutely are entitled to your anger, but your anger can hurt you and your relationship. Here are my recommendations for how to deal with anger after an affair... View Post
  • Affairs are emotionally devastating and cause significant harm to relationships. Many people wonder if an affair is indicative of a sexual addiction. In most cases, an extramarital affair is not an addiction. Let's explore ten key signs that can help distinguish between an addiction and an affair. View Post