Dr Kathy's Blog

  • If you've just discovered your partner's affair, you're probably haunted by the WHY question. Why did this happen? Why me? Why her? Why? It absolutely makes sense that you're wondering this and everyone who's been in your shoes wonders the same thing. In fact, understanding why the affair happened is critical to your healing. Over the last 20 years, I've come to believe that affairs happen when three things occur at the same time...

    View Post
  • Do you love Chip & Joanna Gaines from HGTV's Fixer Upper as much as I do? They're just such sweet and genuine people, not to mention ridiculously talented! What I admire most about Chip & Joanna is that they have a really lovely relationship. And there's a lot we can all learn from them on how to keep our marriages happy and healthy! Here are 5 things Chip & Joanna can teach you about how to have a truly great marriage... View Post
  • If your partner has ever said, "I love you, but I am not IN love with you," then you know how painful it is to hear this. Or if you've felt it... like the two of you are essentially roommates... you know how scary it can be. You worry that the passion is gone, the love is barely there, and you're scared that it won't ever come back. Good news... it's not as bad as it feels... and honestly, it's common.

    SaveSave

    View Post
  • The Fawn Response is defined as a response to a traumatic situation where a person chooses to become a soft, cuddly, people-pleasing fawn in order to calm down a big, scary person and re-establish a sense of safety and security. The Fawn Response is essentially an instinctual response that arises to manage conflict and trauma by appeasing a non-nurturing or abusive person. In kids, fawning behaviors¬† develop as a way to survive or cope with a difficult parent.

    View Post
  • Want to know how to fight less and communicate even better? From lots of tinkering and experimenting with hundreds of couples over the last 20 years, I can tell you what will really work to change your communication for good! Here are my "rules" for absolutely fabulous communication...

    View Post
  • Julie called me yesterday and explained that she recently learned that her husband, Todd, was having an affair at work with a co-worker. Julie confronted Todd about the affair, he admitted that he had been cheating, but told her he wanted to stop and to save their marriage. Julie was thrilled to hear this, but ... View Post
  • Emotional abuse is quite common and can be really hard to detect. I've taken care of countless men and women - smart, beautiful, amazing women - who have found themselves in very abusive relationships. They all worry that they're the damaged one for not seeing this beforehand. That they should have predicted it, they should have seen the signs, that they shouldn't "have been so stupid." View Post
  • Are you wondering how to repair your relationship? Feeling a bit frustrated by all of the information online and all of the different how-to articles? I understand and assure you, you're not alone. It is confusing! In fact, it was confusing for a lot of therapists too, until the amazing John Gottman, PhD and his team at the Seattle Love Lab started to scientifically study couples in happy (and some not-so-happy) marriages.

    View Post