Dr Kathy's Blog


  • If you've recently had an affair... or if you discovered that your wife or partner cheated... you're probably struggling to understand why. Truth is, infidelity is common and I believe that most people who cheat are trying to deal with some pain they're experiencing. Women cheat at about the same rate as men, but women's infidelity is talked about a lot less often... View Post
  • If you've just discovered that your spouse had an affair, I am so sorry. You must feel shocked, devastated, betrayed, horrified, blind-sided, and profoundly hurt. I want to reassure you... ·You CAN get through this. ·This doesn't mean your marriage or relationship is over. ·This doesn't mean you... View Post
  • If your spouse just found out about your affair, there are a few things you should do right away... 1. Offer to talk, but don't push. Your spouse may or may not want to talk. Don't push, allow them to do what feels right to them. If they want to yell and scream, that is ok. Take breaks as need... View Post
  • Telling your partner that you know he or she had an affair is an extremely scary idea. In this post, we'll go over how to prepare for the conversation and exactly what to say, so you can move on and heal. I've included a sample script for you to use to plan out what to say. View Post
  • Julie called me yesterday and explained that she recently learned that her husband, Todd, was having an affair at work with a co-worker. Julie confronted Todd about the affair, he admitted that he had been cheating, but told her he wanted to stop and to save their marriage. Julie was thrilled to ... View Post
  • To end the affair, I suggest that you and your spouse sit down and write a letter together to the other person (affair partner). The letter should mostly be written by the straying spouse (the one who had the affair) because it's critical that he/she starts to take responsibility for the choices that were made.

    I also want the straying spouse to "own" this letter and truly feel what he/she is writing. The letter should be short and clear, but not emotional in any way towards the affair partner.

    Here's a sample break-up letter that I recommend my clients send (via mail or email) to their affair partner...

    View Post
  • "I really don't know what to do, Dr. K. My wife has no interest in doing any of the things you recommend for building trust after an affair. I learned about her 2 year affair with a friend from High School last Thanksgiving. Since I found out, she's seen him at least once, talked to him a few tim... View Post
  • "Can we get over an affair? How do we start to heal?" - Soraya, Australia. Hi Soraya. That's a very big and important question... thanks for being brave enough to ask it. First things first, I want you to know that YOU CAN HEAL from this. Affairs are really common, much more than we know or think... View Post