Dr Kathy's Blog


  • After your partner has an affair, you may be left wondering what it is that you’re missing, what you could have changed, or what might have been done to prevent the infidelity. It’s common and normal to start making comparisons, or begin looking at yourself differently. Betrayal can activate a trauma response, leaving you scrambling for answers and solutions. Here are 4 ways to build your self esteem after being cheated on or experiencing infidelity. View Post
  • Affair rage is real. It is so painful and devastating. You have every reason and every right to feel angry. But what you do with that anger is very important. Some people will say, it’s ok, just feel your feelings and feel them for as long as you want, treat your partner however you want, rage all you want, you’re entitled to your anger. Yes, you absolutely are entitled to your anger, but your anger can hurt you and your relationship. Here are my recommendations for how to deal with anger after an affair... View Post
  • Affairs are emotionally devastating and cause significant harm to relationships. Many people wonder if an affair is indicative of a sexual addiction. In most cases, an extramarital affair is not an addiction. Let's explore ten key signs that can help distinguish between an addiction and an affair. View Post
  • The Courage to Stay: How to Heal From an Affair and Save Your Marriage by Kathy Nickerson, Ph.D., is a detailed guide to helping couples heal from infidelity. She immediately dives into this painful process of healing from the very beginning to the end. She offers clear guidelines and questions to ask throughout the process, individually and together, to reach healing. It was so easy to follow for both partners, as she labeled it the straying partner and the hurt partner. View Post
  • Limerence is an emotional state where a person experiences intense and often obsessive feelings of infatuation towards someone else. It's a romantic attraction that goes beyond typical, healthy attraction and often becomes obsessive and all-consuming. When someone is experiencing limerence, they may be more likely to act on their impulses and take risks, which can make them more vulnerable to an affair. View Post
  • Have you found that your straying partner does not want to increase transparency to rebuild trust? Or is your partner still talking to the affair partner and is only kind of, sort of doing some of the trust-building steps? If so, the Diamond Strategy is for you. Let me tell you Amy’s story. Amy went on a romantic vacation with her husband as they were trying to rebuild their marriage. The vacation was okay, but she felt like her husband..

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  • Most of us wish we could erase our bad memories. Unfortunately, bad memories are common and a normal part of life... but some memories hurt a lot more than others.This is especially true for someone who's experienced a trauma in their relationship, like an affair. We have developed a memory erasing technique called EMDR and I've modified the technique so you can do it at home. View Post
  • The first step in healing from an affair is ending the affair.  It's truly impossible to start making a relationship better while an affair is ongoing, so we have to stop the affair first.  To end the affair, I suggest that you and your partner sit down and write a letter together to the other person (affair partner). The letter should mostly be written by the person who had the affair, because it's critical that he/she starts to take responsibility for the choices that were made. View Post