Dr Kathy's Blog


  • Julie called me yesterday and explained that she recently learned that her husband, Todd, was having an affair at work with a co-worker. Julie confronted Todd about the affair, he admitted that he had been cheating, but told her he wanted to stop and to save their marriage. Julie was thrilled to hear this, but ... View Post
  • Carlos asks: "Can infidelity be forgiven? My wife found some inappropriate messages on my iPad and now she says she'll never get over it. Nothing physical happened, but... obviously, it was not good. Will she ever forgive me? I am worried our marriage will never recover." Dr. K answers : I am really sorry this is happening to you guys, you must be very scared and worried. The good news is that yes, infidelity CAN be forgiven... but it takes time.

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  • If you've recently had an affair... or if you discovered that your wife or partner cheated... you're probably struggling to understand why. Truth is, infidelity is common and I believe that most people who cheat are trying to deal with some pain they're experiencing. Women cheat at about the same rate as men, but women's infidelity is talked about a lot less often... View Post
  • Natalie asks: "What are infidelity triggers? My boyfriend cheated and I don't know why. He told me that he doesn't know why, so I am really struggling to understand what caused this. Was it me? What did I do wrong?"   Dr. K answers: Hi Natalie. Thanks so much for reaching out. I am really sorry y... View Post
  • If you've just discovered that your spouse had an affair, I am so sorry. You must feel shocked, devastated, betrayed, horrified, blind-sided, and profoundly hurt. I want to reassure you... ·You CAN get through this. ·This doesn't mean your marriage or relationship is over. ·This doesn't mean you... View Post
  • If your spouse just found out about your affair, there are a few things you should do right away... 1. Offer to talk, but don't push. Your spouse may or may not want to talk. Don't push, allow them to do what feels right to them. If they want to yell and scream, that is ok. Take breaks as need... View Post
  • Telling your partner that you know he or she had an affair is an extremely scary idea. In this post, we'll go over how to prepare for the conversation and exactly what to say, so you can move on and heal. I've included a sample script for you to use to plan out what to say. View Post
  • To end the affair, I suggest that you and your spouse sit down and write a letter together to the other person (affair partner). The letter should mostly be written by the straying spouse (the one who had the affair) because it's critical that he/she starts to take responsibility for the choices that were made.

    I also want the straying spouse to "own" this letter and truly feel what he/she is writing. The letter should be short and clear, but not emotional in any way towards the affair partner.

    Here's a sample break-up letter that I recommend my clients send (via mail or email) to their affair partner...

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