When you discover that your partner has had an affair, it shakes the foundation of trust in your relationship. But when their affair partner works in the same place—or even the same industry—it can feel like a fresh wound every day. You may wonder how to navigate this incredibly challenging situation. While there are no easy answers, having a clear game plan with specific rules and guidelines can help rebuild trust and create a sense of safety for both of you.

The Importance of a Game Plan

Healing from infidelity is already difficult, but it becomes even more complicated when the affair partner is still part of your partner’s professional world. This ongoing proximity can feel threatening, making it critical for you and your partner to establish clear expectations and boundaries. The ultimate goal is to ensure there is no secrecy and to prioritize transparency, communication, and accountability. Here are some important guidelines to consider:

1. No Secrets: Complete Transparency is Essential

Rebuilding trust requires an unwavering commitment to honesty. Your partner must agree to share everything about their interactions with the affair partner, even if it feels uncomfortable. Secrets and withholding information create suspicion, so full transparency is non-negotiable.

For example, if your partner bumps into the affair partner in the hallway, they should tell you. If they need to email or speak with the affair partner, you should know about it beforehand. The idea is that there are no hidden conversations, encounters, or surprises—nothing that might make you question what is happening.

2. Open Communication About Work and the Affair Partner’s Involvement

Daily communication about what is happening at work is crucial. This doesn’t mean you need a minute-by-minute breakdown of your partner’s day, but you do need to know if and how the affair partner might be involved in their work. For example, if there is a project where your partner and the affair partner will need to interact, this should be communicated to you in advance, along with a plan for how those interactions will be managed.

You might find it helpful to set aside time each day to check in about work-related matters. This can be a space where your partner keeps you informed, and you can express any concerns or ask questions. The goal is to stay connected and prevent misunderstandings.

3. No Surprises: Keep You in the Loop

One of the most triggering things for a hurt partner is being caught off guard. To prevent this, your partner should tell you about events and potential encounters with the affair partner before they happen, as much as is realistically possible.

For example, if there’s an upcoming meeting or office event where the affair partner will be present, your partner should inform you ahead of time. This gives you the opportunity to process your emotions and discuss how they will handle the situation, rather than being blindsided later.

4. No Alone Time With the Affair Partner

This rule is crucial. There should be absolutely no one-on-one time with the affair partner. If your partner needs to collaborate with the affair partner on a work project, they must ensure that a third person is always present. This not only protects your partner from potential temptation but also demonstrates their commitment to rebuilding trust.

For example, if your partner is asked to stay late for a meeting that includes the affair partner, they should arrange for a colleague to be in the room or propose a virtual meeting where others are present. The key is to eliminate any opportunity for private interactions.

5. Minimize Interaction With the Affair Partner

All reasonable efforts should be made to minimize interactions with the affair partner. This might mean avoiding casual conversations, steering clear of non-essential emails, and declining optional meetings or social events where the affair partner will be present.

For example, if there’s a happy hour or networking event after work, your partner should skip it if the affair partner will be there. The priority is to protect your healing process and avoid unnecessary stress.

6. Immediate Reporting of Any Interactions

If your partner does have an encounter or interaction with the affair partner, they should tell you as soon as it’s practical to do so. This includes accidental encounters, such as running into the affair partner in the breakroom, as well as any professional interactions that couldn’t be avoided.

The key here is to build trust through proactive honesty. By sharing these details with you upfront, your partner shows that they are committed to transparency and accountability.

7. Discuss Complicated Situations Together

If a complicated or unexpected situation arises, your partner should bring it to you so that you can navigate it together. This ensures that you both have a say in how to handle it and that the decisions are made with your feelings and healing process in mind.

For example, if your partner’s boss insists that they attend a work retreat where the affair partner will be present, this is something that should be discussed openly. Together, you can decide how to approach the situation—whether that means your partner advocates for alternative arrangements or sets clear boundaries during the event.

8. Prioritize Your Healing

Finally, it’s important to acknowledge that this is a deeply painful and challenging situation for you. While your partner works to rebuild trust, you also need to take care of yourself. Consider seeking support from a therapist, joining a support group, or leaning on trusted friends and family. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to set boundaries or ask for additional reassurance as you navigate this journey.

A Partnership in Healing

Ultimately, navigating the challenge of your partner working with or near their affair partner requires both of you to commit to transparency, communication, and shared decision-making. While these guidelines can’t erase the pain of what happened, they can create a framework for rebuilding trust and safety. If your partner is willing to follow these rules and prioritize your healing, it’s a step toward restoring the connection and trust that were broken. Remember, you deserve honesty, respect, and a partner who is fully committed to repairing the relationship.