Is it Infidelity or Sex Addiction? How To Tell The Difference & What T

Is it Infidelity or Sex Addiction? How To Tell The Difference & What To Do Next

If you’ve been betrayed by your partner, you’re likely struggling with a million questions that keep you awake at night. "Why did this happen? Was it a one-time thing? Is it part of something deeper? Can this ever get better?" These are complex questions and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed right now. One question you might be struggling with is whether or not your partner has a sex addiction. Understanding the distinction between infidelity and sexual addiction might bring you some clarity.

What Is Sexual Addiction?

While sexual addiction isn’t officially recognized as a diagnosis in the DSM-5, many therapists and researchers consider it a form of behavioral addiction. The signs are unmistakable:

Compulsivity – A persistent inability to control sexual urges, even when trying to quit.
Preoccupation – Obsessive thoughts about sexual activity.
Escalation – The need for riskier or more extreme behaviors to feel the same level of satisfaction.
Negative Consequences – Repeated harm to relationships, careers, health, or finances due to sexual behaviors.
Emotional Dysregulation – Using sex as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness, or depression.
Failed Attempts to Stop – Promises to change that are repeatedly broken.
Secretive Behavior – Lying or hiding actions to cover up the addiction.

These behaviors can destroy relationships and shatter trust. If your partner struggles with sexual addiction, you’ve likely faced profound pain, confusion, and anger. It’s okay to feel all of these things—your emotions are valid and so understandable.

Infidelity vs. Sexual Addiction: Why the Difference Matters

When betrayal involves multiple transgressions, it’s natural to wonder if your partner might have an addiction. But it’s not just about numbers; it’s about patterns, motivations, and emotional triggers.

Infidelity occurs in response to emotional pain, relationship dissatisfaction, unhealed trauma, and/or situational stress (see my article on why people have affairs for more detail). It’s often situational, and while it’s still deeply hurtful, it doesn’t necessarily stem from compulsive behavior.

Sexual Addiction, by contrast, is marked by a chronic, compulsive pattern of behavior. The person often feels powerless over their actions, even when they desperately want to stop.

When It’s More Likely Infidelity

A few isolated incidents, often tied to emotional pain.
Happens during specific life stages or under acute stress.
Lacks the compulsive repetition or escalation seen in addiction.

When It’s More Likely Sexual Addiction

Multiple affairs or hookups, often with strangers or through online platforms.
Repeated promises to stop, followed by relapses.
Escalation to riskier behaviors.
Emotional distress or withdrawal symptoms when not engaging in the behavior.

What to Do If You Suspect Sexual Addiction

If you think sexual addiction might be a factor, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist specializing in sex addiction, like a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), can provide insight and guidance. Treatment often includes individual therapy, support groups, and sometimes 12-step programs like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

Recovery is possible, but it’s not easy. For partners, it’s equally important to focus on your own healing. Betrayal trauma can leave deep scars, and taking steps to care for yourself—emotionally, physically, and spiritually—is vital.

What To Do Next

Take a moment to reflect:

If your partner’s behaviors have left you doubting your self-worth, remind yourself that their actions are not a reflection of your value.
Write down one boundary you can set for your own emotional well-being, even if it feels small.
If you’re feeling lost, reach out for help. A therapist, support group, or even a trusted friend can be a lifeline.
Please explore the resources available at Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: https://slaafws.org/ and S-Anon International: https://sanon.org/

You are stronger than you realize, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Healing may feel far away, but it starts with understanding, validation, and the courage to take that next step forward.

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