Dr Kathy's Blog

fighting

  • If you want your fights to be productive... and actually be beneficial to your relationship... you have to slow down and really listen to what your partner is saying. Then you have to validate their point of view, their feelings, and their perspective. Only AFTER you have done this should you try to argue for your point of view or explain your feelings. I've put together 3 short videos to show you exactly what to do. View Post
  • Jordan, one of our friends from Facebook, recently wrote in and asked for help..."Hi Dr. Kathy. I hope you can help us. Cindy and I have been married for 9 years and I love her very much. We have really hectic lives: we both work, our kids have us running around left and right, we barely have any time for ourselves or our relationship. We have been fighting a lot lately. In fact it's gotten so bad in the last couple of months that I've wondered if we're going to make it. Is there anything we can do? Please help. Thanks." And here's my answer to Jordan... View Post
  • Want to know how to fight less and communicate even better? From lots of tinkering and experimenting with hundreds of couples over the last 15 years, I can tell you what will really work to change your communication for good! Here are my "rules" for absolutely fabulous communication...

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  • Most of the time, if we keep fighting about the same thing it's because we never get the recognition or the acknowledgment we're craving from our spouse to let it go.

    Or it's because we never get down deep enough and talk about what the fight is REALLY about. On rare occasion, we fight about something that just is not fixable, and instead of fighting, we have to find a way to talk about it that feels comfortable to both of you.

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  • "My partner and I have different expectations about our relationship and we both tend to make assumptions about how things should be. What should I do?" -David, Washington. Hi David. Yes, it's important to address that and do a couple of things... The first thing to do is read this blog post on R... View Post
  • "My husband never lets me vent, he immediately goes into fix-it mode. How do I tell him I just want him to listen to me?" - Kathyrn, UtahHi Kathryn. You know what? I think you should just tell him exactly that. It's ok for you to start a conversation by saying, "Honey, I am really upset and I jus... View Post
  • "We're not great at communicating. Many of our conversations end in a fight. Or worse, we both shut down, stop talking and nothing ever gets resolved. How can we communicate better so that we never lose the spark?" -Sonia, AlaskaGreat question, Sonia. There are a few things that are absolutely c... View Post
  • If you want to quickly get over a fight with your husband or wife, you need to focus on one thing: listening! The problem is, when we're upset, this is really hard to do.... Most of us think that the best way to work through an issue is to poke holes in the other person's argument and tell them how silly they are for thinking the way they do...

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