How can we stop having the same fight again & again | Marriage advice from Dr Kathy Nickerson"My husband and I always have the same argument that seems to keep resurfacing and never gets resolved. What should we do to fix it?" - Carol L, California

Hi Carol, super common problem and great question. Most of the time, if we keep fighting about the same thing it's because we never get the validation or the acknowledgment we're craving from our spouse to let it go.

Or it's because we never get down deep enough and talk about what the fight is REALLY about. On rare occasion, we fight about something that just is not fixable, and instead of fighting, we have to find a way to talk about it that feels comfortable to both of you.

If you're fighting about the same thing again and again, really dig down and think about what YOU need to hear or know to make it better. Do you just want your husband to finally hear you and acknowledge your feelings?

If so, tell him that. Tell him what you really want him to understand and what you're craving from him.

As you dig down, is there something deeper that's part of this for you? Or for him? Does it connect to something else that you haven't talked about before? Does it remind you of something? Does it mean something?

If so, find a way to share this and explicitly ask for what you want or need to make it better. I am a big fan of asking for what you want! You're so much more likely to get it.

These blog posts will help you further: What Should We Do If We Fight All The Time, 6 Ways to Stop Fighting & Start Talking, and How To Recover From A Bad Fight


Tags: fighting