How to tell your husband you just want him to listen to you (and not fix anything) | Marriage advice from Dr Kathy Nickerson"My husband never lets me vent, he immediately goes into fix-it mode. How do I tell him I just want him to listen to me?" - Kathyrn, Utah

Hi Kathryn. You know what? I think you should just tell him exactly that. It's ok for you to start a conversation by saying, "Honey, I am really upset and I just need you to listen to me vent and tell me it's going to be ok."

Men want to fix things for us, it's their nature. So they automatically go into task mode and want to do something to make it better. Women know that when we want to help our friends feel better, we ask them about their feelings and really empathize with them and pour over all the nuances of the feelings and what happened. Men, for the most part, don't do this. It's not part of the man culture. (Quick disclaimer... this is a bit of a stereotype, but it tends to be more true than not).

So, just ask for what you want and need up front... you'll be so much more likely to get it. And you can tell your husband, "If you don't know what I want, just ask me... should I fix it or just listen to you vent?"

You might also like to read my rules for amazing communication, you can get a complimentary copy of my communication "rules" here. And you can get even more ideas from my Ultimate Guide to Effective Communication.

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Tags: fighting

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