Is it bad for our marriage that we are very different? | Marriage advice from Dr Kathy Nickerson"My wife and I are very different people. We have different interests and different ways of looking at the world. Is this a bad sign for our marriage?" - Mike C, Colorado

Hi Mike. I think this is just fine and is not a bad sign of anything. However, because you guys have very different interests, you should do a couple things to stay close and connected.

First, make sure that you spend some quality time every day talking about what is going on in your life and asking your spouse about their day. When your spouse talks about a feeling (i.e., I was so hurt when Karen said blah, blah, blah), make sure to pay attention to that and acknowledge that feeling. Say something like, "Honey, so sorry that hurt you, I can understand why."

I teach all the couples I work with to hunt for feelings in conversation, really listen for anything that sounds like a hurt feeling, because these are pots of gold! If you acknowledge a spouse's hurt feeling and help them feel better, you'll get a huge relationship boost.

Second, do things together intentionally every week. Find some activities that you both like and plan to do at least one a week. It can be anything: volunteering together at your favorite charity, working on your house together, taking a cooking class, taking a long drive or walk. The key is for it to be something you BOTH enjoy.

Then the rest of the week, you can be doing your own things. When you can, find ways to invite your spouse in or include them in some way. Even if they never join you, they'll feel so good to be invited.

Here's a blog post with more ideas for you: 4 Ways To Feel More Connected. This is also a good one for you: Speaking Your Partner's Love Language.

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