Get a free copy of our 20 Questions Game here | Dr Kathy NickersonFeel like you and your spouse are out of touch? Are you each plopped down on the couch every night, living in separate worlds, one of you on the iPad, the other one reading or watching a show? Feel like you're more roommates than spouses?

If you can relate, you're not alone! As we settle into our marriages, we get more comfortable. After a while, we stop paying attention, we slowly move into our own worlds, and if we don't do something to get out of those separate worlds, we find ourselves feeling very lonely and disconnected.

It doesn't have to be this way!

You can get closer by spending a little time each day talking to the other and playing. Yes, I said playing!

We all love fun and when we are first dating, our relationships are all about fun. We should never let the fun leave our relationships.

So to help you boost the fun factor in your relationship (which will help you get closer, feel more connected, start to feeling more loving and maybe even lead to some intimacy), this 20 questions game is for you.

Here's How To Play:

1. Grab a pen, a piece of paper, and a copy of the questions listed below.

2. Take turns asking the other each question. Ask your spouse question 1, then they'll ask you question 1, then you go on to question 2.

3. Score your spouse's answer. At the end of each question below, you'll see a number in parentheses. This number is the maximum amount of points the answer is worth, so you can give your spouse all of those points or partial credit, if they only knew some of the answer. Be generous! Remember the point is to become closer, not necessarily to "win". Write their score for each question on your paper.

4. At the end, add up all the points earned. Whoever has the higher score wins the game! But I hope that you're both winners because by playing this, you should feel a little closer and more friendly.

5. Let the winner choose a prize. It can be anything - winner gets to choose where you go to dinner, winner gets to pick the next TV show or movie you watch together, winner gets to sleep in while you take the kids to school. Talk about the prize before you play, it will go better. :)


1 What is my favorite color? (1 point)

2. What is my favorite thing to eat? (1 point)

3. What's my favorite movie? (1 point)

4. Where did I go to high school? (1 point)

5. Who is my favorite actor or sports team? (1 point)

6. If I won the lottery, what's the first thing I'd buy for myself? (2 points)

7. What is my favorite vacation spot? (2 points)

8. What's my dream car? (2 points)

9. Where would I most like to travel? (2 points)

10. Who are my closest friends? (3 points)

11. Who in my life would I turn to if things really got hard? (3 points)

12. What do I do to show people that I really love them? (3 points)

13. Who has been the most inspirational person in my life and why? (4 points)

14. What has been the best day of my life so far? (4 points)

15. What keeps me up at night? (4 points)

16. What makes me truly, deeply happy? (5 points)

17. What is my life's purpose? (5 points)

18. What do I want my legacy to be (another way to ask this is: what do I want people to say about me or remember about me when I'm gone)? (5 points)

19. Which accomplishments in my life am I truly proud of? (5 points)

20. What matters most to me in this world? (5 points)


After you've played the game, please come back and share your experience in the comments section below. I'd love to hear from you!