What the Research Really Shows About Long-Term Outcomes

By Emily Wagner and Dr. Kathy Nickerson

Most people believe that an affair is the end of your marriage. They believe that you can’t come back from infidelity, that no couple survives something this painful. This is simply not true. Several clinical and population-based studies show that 60–75% of couples reconcile after an affair (Solomon et al., 2006).

This statistic may seem unbelievable. I get it. Anyone who has experienced the complex tangle of emotions that can stem from such profound betrayal may find it hard to imagine that catharsis is possible, much less reconciliation. Bear with me, and for the sake of argument, take the statistic in stride.

“Okay, sure,” you—still rightfully skeptical—might say, “maybe some couples stay together, Dr. Kathy… but how many of them do that long-term? And are they actually happy? Stable? Repaired?”

These are excellent questions—honest questions—and they deserve an equally honest, research-based answer. So today, I want to walk you through what the clinical research, population data, and long-term follow-up studies actually show.

Before We Go Further: A Quick Myth-vs-Reality Reminder

Myth:
“Everyone divorces after an affair. No one survives this.”

Reality:
The majority of couples do initially reconcile, and many remain together years later—especially when the affair is disclosed, ended, and repair work is done.

1. The Starting Point: Most Couples Do Reconcile

It surprises many people to learn that infidelity does not automatically end a relationship. In fact, the field is quite clear on this point: in many cases, couples choose to stay together after an affair.

The 60–75% statistic I mentioned earlier is not a one-off conclusion. Clinical help-seeking samples consistently show that 60–75% of couples reconcile. While the term “reconcile” can vary by study (stay together vs. attempt repair vs. remain connected in some way), the takeaway is hopeful:

Reconciliation is common, not rare.

Alright. Reconciliation is possible, we’ve established that.

“But Dr Kathy!” You might say, “60–75% is all well and good, but I’ve decided I want to make this work, and I don't want my reconciliation to be short or painful!”

It doesn’t have to be. True recovery takes time. And to help us understand what contributes to true recovery, we start by asking two questions:

• Can reconciliation last?
• What separates couples who simply stay together from those who stay together well?

2. The Big Question: Once You Reconcile, How Long Do You Stay?

This question is a tough one, not because the answer is discouraging, but because it is nuanced. Not all studies are created equal and not all studies are structured with the same definitions of recovery. The three studies I’ll go through below are not all the studies that exist, or even all the studies I’ve used to compile this post. Remember as well, that the results of these studies depict data from the averages of a common situation, not the ultimate truth of your personal journey.

Fair warning, we’re going to start with the less encouraging statistics, but they're facts I think you should know.

a) Clinical Convenience Samples

Allen & Atkins (2012), using General Social Survey data from 16,090 adults, found:

• Among those who had extramarital sex at any point, only 33% of men and 23% of women were currently married with no divorce history.

Okay. This is one of those statistics that spells doom on first look, but means a little less on a second. One of the big reasons I’m using this data here is to show you how what looks like a stark fact can sometimes not really be applicable to your situation.

This result does not mean that only 33% of men and 23% of women stay married after a betrayal. Extramarital sex at any point could mean cheating on your college partner. Those who had divorce history could have also divorced for reasons that were not extramarital sex. They could also have experienced the affair in a second marriage or relationship and stayed together.

Beyond these extra factors, what is important to note here is that this study was using General Social Survey data, not data based around help-seeking populations. Within the study, it was stated that “research based primarily from clinical or help-seeking populations suggests that most couples who have experienced infidelity do not divorce within the time frames assessed” (Allen et al., 2012).

Takeaway:
These are lifetime snapshots—not post-affair recovery samples—but they demonstrate that infidelity increases relationship risk over the lifespan.

b) Population-Level Longitudinal Data

This study was based on a survey of 2,033 married people aged 55 or under. This sample (e.g., Amato & Rogers; Previti & Amato) showed:

• Infidelity-related marital problems increase the odds of divorce by ~2.6× after controlling for pre-existing marital satisfaction.

Infidelity, along with drug use, foolish money spending, and several other factors increases likelihood of divorce in the long term once the study accounts for pre-existing marital satisfaction.

Takeaway:
Infidelity elevates long-term risk, but risk is not fate. Many couples still remain together long-term.

c) Clinical Treatment Studies (3–5 Year Follow-Ups)

One of the clearest data sets that gives insight into the years directly after a betrayal comes from the landmark behavioral couples therapy trial by Christensen, Atkins, and colleagues (2004; follow-up published 2014). In this study, 19 couples who had experienced infidelity were followed for five years after treatment.

Key Findings

• Couples who disclosed the affair and addressed it in therapy had a divorce rate of ~43% at 5 years, meaning 57% were still together.
• Couples who hid or minimized the affair had a divorce/separation rate of ~80% by 5 years—meaning only 20% stayed together.
• Couples with no history of infidelity had a separation/divorce rate of ~23%—about 77% still married at 5 years.
• Among the affair couples who stayed together, marital satisfaction and stability looked very similar to couples without infidelity.

Takeaway:
Disclosure + ending the affair + intentional repair work = a much higher likelihood of long-term stability.

3. Putting It Together: What This Means Clinically

The seven pieces of information below are both research based, and gleaned from my years of clinical experience working with couples. Breaking it down, here is what the research truly suggests about therapeutic outcomes when working with these couples:

1. Reconciliation is common—but not the finish line.
2. Disclosure is essential.
3. Good repair work changes the trajectory.
4. Elevated risk doesn’t mean doomed.
5. Time matters.
6. Hidden affairs are a major warning sign.
7. Context deeply shapes outcomes.

4. What We Still Don’t Know

As much as I’d like to say we know all there is to know about affairs, the fact is, we lack a lot of information. We have no large, long-term studies of couples who reconcile, so I can't give you statistics about couple outcomes ten, twenty or even thirty years into the future.

One of the things I'm striving to do is change this lack of research. Your own large-scale survey work—work specifically based on people who have suffered infidelity in their relationships, rather than general population surveys—is uniquely positioned to help answer some of these questions.

5. Wrapping Up: Hope + Realism

Above all, these are the messages I want you to take away from this post:

Staying together after an affair is absolutely possible.

The stereotype says, “Once a cheater, always a breakup.”
The research says something very different.

When the affair is disclosed, ended, and the couple commits to real repair work, their chances of still being together 3–5 years later are much higher than most people think. And many of these couples don’t just stay together—they stay together well.

Reconciliation without repair isn’t enough. Staying together is staying together. Healing is healing and remaining together long-term requires transparency, emotional healing, relational repair, and the courage to become a new kind of couple.

In coaching betrayed or straying partners, I often say:
“Staying is a choice—but staying well is a practice.”

If you choose to stay, let’s rebuild intentionally, openly, and with a shared vision for what your relationship will look like five years from now.

Citations

• Solomon, M. F., & Teagno, M. P. (2006). Rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship after an affair. New Harbinger Publications.
• Atkins, D. C., Eldridge, K. A., Baucom, D. H., & Christensen, A. (2005). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(1), 144–150.
• Christensen, A., Atkins, D. C., Baucom, D. H., & Yi, J. (2004). Couple and individual adjustment two years following a randomized clinical trial. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(2), 176–191.
• Marín, R. A., Christensen, A., & Atkins, D. C. (2014). Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: 5-year outcomes. Couple and Family Psychology, 3(1), 1–12.
• Allen, E. S., & Atkins, D. C. (2012). The association of divorce and extramarital sex. Journal of Family Issues, 33(11), 1472–1493.
• Amato, P. R., & Rogers, S. J. (1997). A longitudinal study of marital problems and subsequent divorce. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 59(3), 612–624.
• Previti, D., & Amato, P. R. (2003). Why stay married? Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(3), 561–573.
• Cory, G. (2023). Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences. National Institutes of Health.