"Dr. Kathy, I am really scared. I think my marriage might be over and that I am the only one willing to do anything. What can I do to make it better?" - Dominica, New York.
Hi Dominica. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure you are scared and I can understand why, but hang in there... I bet there's a lot we can do to make things better.
Let me give you some hope and share a secret with you... even if your spouse is angry and tells you they're done, they might not actually be done.
Many times, people are willing to give you 1 more chance, they just won't tell you you have 1 more chance. So let's assume you do have 1 more chance and really take action now to make that 1 chance count!
To start turning things around, stop talking about the relationship for a few days. Go into "super best friend mode," where your focus is on being as kind and helpful as possible. Don't go completely over the top, but increase your level of helpfulness and positivity at home. It's hard to be positive when you're scared and feeling bad, but this will help: How To Be Truly Happy.
Give your spouse some space, offer to do some things to make your spouse's life a little easier, spend your time reading or researching about how to make things better. This is a great post to start with: What To Do If You're The Only One Who Wants To Make Things Better.
In a few days, ask your spouse if you two can talk. Hopefully you'll have built up some good will by then and your spouse will be open to this. Start small and just say something like this, "I have been thinking a lot and I realize there's much to do to make things better. I love you and I would do anything to keep us together. (Add some details about WHY you love your spouse). Can we put together a plan to start making things better and just take it 1 day at a time?" That should get things going in the right direction for you.
If you need any more help, or have a specific question of your own, please post below in the comments section and I'll do my best to get back to you quickly.
All my best to you! - Dr K