I'm thrilled to announce the release of my new book, The Courage to Stay: How To Heal From an Affair and Save Your Marriage. This book on infidelity is packed with all of the strategies and tools I've learned over the last 22 years as a relationship psychologist. Get the proven and practical advice that you need to truly heal from cheating. Free preview available exclusively on Amazon. View Post

Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute in Seattle found that if a couple exhibits 4 behaviors - criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness - that he could predict with over 90% certainty that they would divorce. Gottman found that if some, or all of these behaviors were present with enough frequency, the connection and friendship at the heart of a marriage would die. And once that happens, it's hard for couples to turn the relationship around or stay in the relationship. View Post

Yes, you can truly recover from an affair. As I have worked with hundreds of couples over the last 22 years, I've found that you need to do these 8 things in order to truly recover: (1) You need to have the affair end and no (or very, very little) contact with the affair partner ever again. (2) You need to have a conversation with your partner where they tell you everything about what happened (except for graphic sexual details).

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Most of the time, if we keep fighting about the same thing it's because we never get the validation or the acknowledgment we're craving from our spouse to let it go. Or it's because we never get down deep enough and talk about what the fight is REALLY about. On rare occasion, we fight about something that just is not fixable, and instead of fighting, we have to find a way to talk about it that feels comfortable to both of you.

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If you've just discovered your partner's affair, you're probably haunted by the WHY question. Why did this happen? Why me? Why her? Why? It absolutely makes sense that you're wondering this and everyone who's been in your shoes wonders the same thing. In fact, understanding why the affair happened is critical to your healing. Over the last 20 years, I've come to believe that affairs happen when three things occur at the same time...

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If your partner has ever said, "I love you, but I am not IN love with you," then you know how painful it is to hear this. Or if you've felt it... like the two of you are essentially roommates... you know how scary it can be. You worry that the passion is gone, the love is barely there, and you're scared that it won't ever come back. Good news... it's not as bad as it feels... and honestly, it's common.

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Want to know how to fight less and communicate even better? From lots of tinkering and experimenting with hundreds of couples over the last 20 years, I can tell you what will really work to change your communication for good! Here are my "rules" for absolutely fabulous communication...

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Do you love Chip & Joanna Gaines from HGTV's Fixer Upper as much as I do? They're just such sweet and genuine people, not to mention ridiculously talented! What I admire most about Chip & Joanna is that they have a really lovely relationship. And there's a lot we can all learn from them on how to keep our marriages happy and healthy! Here are 5 things Chip & Joanna can teach you about how to have a truly great marriage... View Post